Taste Tests are my Favorite!

So the cultural concepts of Change and Stick it to The Man have progressed in a direction I was not expecting.

Oatmeal.

Really. There's a Revolution afoot and I can only thank the grocery store end cap for alerting me to the problem. If we are to believe the packaging (and why wouldn't we? they teach us to read it for a reason!) old fashioned instant oatmeal is ruining everything! What with their paper envelopes and recycled/recyclable boxes and having to pull out a measuring cup for the water...they are hastening our downfall.

As luck would have it, there is a better option! WHOLE rolled oats. Not the broken bits you find in those large, paperboard canisters. TINIER boxes to reduce packaging. And...take a breath...envelopes that also function for measuring the WATER!

But are their claims true? Well, I tested it today. And here are the results:

Number of Servings:

Old Fashioned Instant---> 10

Revolting Instant (isn't that what you call one who is stirring up a Revolution?)--> 5

Cost per Bowl:

Old Fashioned Instant---> $0.39

Revolting Instant--> $0.27

Size of Box:

Old Fashioned Instant--> bigger box, thicker paperboard

Revolting Instant--> claims to be up to 35% less, but you have to buy 2 of them, so it actually comes out to 30% MORE packaging for the same number of servings.

Easy of Preparation:

difference is so slight as to seem equal

Taste: oh. yum. this is why I do the research for you!

Old Fashioned Instant--> classic, yummy, nothing wrong with it, comes in dozens of flavors

Revolting Instant--> dear me, quite good, and I hear it comes in dark chocolate...

Results: Oh, good golly. Did I just spend my morning comparing oatmeal? I did. I even called the grocery store claiming to be writing an "article" on healthy, warm breakfasts for kids. (The man was very helpful, by the way.) So I guess the conclusion is I have a complete lack of shame and no meaningful work to do on a Friday in October. Hope we all learned our lesson here.

sympathetic my ass!

Last week I stopped with the cygnets for dinner after Miss M's Volleyball Game. Chinese. No one protested the choice. All was going smoothly.

Until...

Little C started trying to eat his rice one bit at a time with chopsticks. I am all for some fine motor skills development, my friends, but not when we have to drive another 20 minutes through traffic, get Miss M changed for dance, and then actually get her to dance. Little C was reminded. He was warned. There was some pleading on my part. Then he lost his chocolate covered fortune cookie.

Fast forward to this morning...

I just found a chocolate covered fortune cookie in my bag! Woo Hoo!

The message "You are sympathetic to the problems of others."

I might be mixing my mythologies here, but I think The Fates have just reminded me this was clearly never meant to be Little C's fortune in the first place!

Conversation, at the end of which I refrain from yelling HA!

The weather has turned quite chill in the mornings here. Which means the next 5 school mornings will all include some form of the following conversation:

Mama: You will need warm sweaters!

Kid: I've got one.

Mama: Do you need to keep the inside of your backpack warm? Put it on your body, child.

Kid: Awwwwww!

Other Kid: What kind of fleece is this?

Mama: Polar fleece.

Other Kid: Is it a hide?

Mama: No. It is recycled plastic turned into fibers.

Other Kid: So it's not polar bear hide?

Mama: No. Go get in the car.

Other Kid: But is it polar bear fur like their wool? Is it cut off?

Mama: No. Plastic bottles. The polycarbonate is melted and spun kind of like cotton candy. Get in the car.

Other Kid: I can't wear this. It feels like polar bear hide and that makes me sad.

Mama: FINE! Get. In. The. Car.

First Kid: This sweater is wrong.

Mama: Good. God. Get your head through the hole.

First Kid: But the inside of the wrist part is bothering my hands. Like it is tearing at my flesh.

Mama: Well, cotton jersey is known for its tearing properties. Put your head through the hole.

First Kid: Why would you BUY me this then?

Mama: 1. It is a nice hand-me-down. 2. Sarcasm. Put on your sweater. Get in the car.

First Kid: I CAN'T WEAR THIS!

Mama: Grab another one. I am getting in the car. I suggest you have your butt in your seat inside of 45 seconds.

Mama: Where the heck is your sweater?!

First Kid: The only other one I will wear has oatmeal crusty on the zipper.

Mama: Good. God. We're leaving. We're just leaving.

Both Kids: M-m-m-m-m-mmamma? C-c-can you turn up the heat? It is cold in the car!

A few questions for you

Did you know that if you sprout your chickpeas prior to making falafels they are healthier for you and easier to digest? You did? Oh.

Did you know that sprouting them is an activity best attempted under refrigerated conditions? You did? Hmmmm.

Because I just learned both of these things. The second one I will never forget. Because on about day 4 on your counter (even if they are covered and you are changing the water and rinsing daily) they will go punk on you. They will bubble up and smell like your old dog just ate shit and a dead squirrel, let them stew for about half a day, and then vomited the contents of her retching gut upon a pile of rotten fish. Or something similar.

Did you also know that if you pour a full bag's worth of fetid chickpeas in your garbage disposal (even if you run it for a long time, and even if you leave the water running longer) you will essentially make hummus that will work its way just beyond the reach of any layperson's plumbing snake and then re-solidify into a putrid mass? You did? Did you also know about how it will continue to ferment and belch noxious odors into your kitchen until you can bust it up and remove every last trace of funk? This too you knew?

What about the part where if one chooses to do stupid things like this one really ought to consider marrying a plumber next time? Huh.

Well when the hell were you planning on telling me?!